The flag of the Free Cape explained

One fine Sunday morning, in the picturesque surrounds of the delightful La Parada on the hills overlooking the lovely Constantia wine estates, I had the very real pleasure of interviewing Kyle “Super-K” Potter, the muscular, well-dressed founder of the exciting Free the Western Cape movement. I was there to talk about the gorgeous new red, white and blue flag they’ve designed for the country of the new Free Cape. 

As you’d expect from a man with such style (on that morning, Kyle was wearing a severe-yet-insouciant black jacket from Markham and a white shirt – top button casually undone – from the “Blue Collar White Collar” stand at the Oranjezicht Market ), the new flag is a marvellous blend of elegance leavened with a robust, no-nonsense attitude. 

Chris: Kyle, how did you come up with the design, and what does it symbolise?

Kyle: Well, I’m a businessman, Chris, so I know the value of employing the best. I outsourced the flag’s design to the same agency that designed Nikon South Africa’s recent award-winning campaign, “Six white influencers (and a black guy on mute) take photos”. I just instinctively knew they’d have a grasp of what we were aiming for, and I think they did a darn good job.

Chris: They did, they did! And what was your brief to them? Or did you just let them come up with the ideas themselves?

Kyle: No no! [Laughs in a robust, managerial kind of way.] I think we know that if you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself. I mean, unless it involves faeces or washing dishes. My brief to them was very clear. First, it has to be a simple design that you can tattoo onto a biker’s biceps, but also onto a woman’s, uh, backside. So it can’t be too complicated – I mean that’s why those Confederate flags work so well, it’s that forgiving kind of design where, if you start to get saggy, it just goes with it. Not that our flag is modelled on the Confederate flag, obvs. That would be racist. It just looks like it.

And then I had one rule – none of this red, green and yellow nonsense. I checked it out on Google, and it says those colours are super common in African flags – like, 23 countries have them. On the other hand, European flags tend to have blue, white, and red. So that was very important to our brand, you know. We want the Free Cape brand to be first world, not third world. Investors are gonna want to know that we’re a government you can trust. And also green and yellow doesn’t go so well with all skin colours. 

A masterclass in building brand values. History, bru. I didn’t invent it.

Chris: Of course, of course. And the merchandising is so important when you’re starting a new country. But surely the colours aren’t chosen at random?

Kyle: Ha ha! No, I should say not. We did a lot of focus groups in Claremont and Wellington, and people generally reacted well to blue and white, because that’s always been the colour of Cape Town sports teams, so they’re familiar with it.

Chris: But Cape Town City play in blue and yellow, the official colours of the city of Cape Town?

Kyle: Cape Town City? Cape Town City? Oh, wait, you mean the soccer team? No, I was talking about rugby. I forgot about soccer. 

Chris: You were telling us about the colours?

Kyle: Yes, yes, I was. [Mutters under breath: soccer, soccer….] 

So the white in the flag represents inclusivity and diversity. Everyone is the same and equal, in the Free Cape. We don’t see colour, we’re all white. Not a colour. That’s why the white stripes are in the middle, holding the whole flag’s design together. And then red, a strong colour, that represents the wine industry, but also, we tried it with orange and that looked a little derivative. The blue is a symbol of hope, because that’s what this movement’s about. Giving hope to the masses oppressed by the colonial ANC government. And also, obviously, it’s a homage to Camps Bay, which is where we’re going to be situating the embassy district. Mainly for cost reasons, since all the Europeans are there anyway.

Chris: I can see a lot, a lot of thought went into this. On behalf of the persecuted people of Cape Town [pauses while waiter puts down a fresh bottle of wine and a plate of those amazing tuna tacos with pineapple rainbow salsa, guacamole, miso emulsion and jalapeños] I just want to say, thank you. Thank you for at least giving us hope. Thank you for caring about the marginalised. Do you have any final message for your supporters?

Kyle: I just wanna say, give us a chance. Everyone’s welcome here, as long as you’re a tax payer or own a home. We’re antiracist to the max, so nobody will be allowed to talk about racism. Cos that just flames the fire. No, the Free Cape will be a meritocracy, where  entrepreneurs can roam free, we’re pro-business – because that’s the only way. Trickle down. Not trickle down like the ANC’s corruption trickles down from up North, but money and stuff. We demand freedom. We can’t let Mandela’s struggle be for nothing.

__________________________________________________________

[I can’t believe I have to say this, but…. satire. It’s satire.]

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